Baby Girl: Daddy, Daddy, but why does grandma sometimes say things on her mind without thinking?
Daddy: Like what my baby, what did she say?
Baby Girl: Something that really hurt me, something that broke my heart?
Daddy: How did it happen, what where you doing, I know you’re smart.
Baby Girl: Well Daddy, I was talking about getting a doggy with grandpa, and grandma told grandpa to switch the conversation. And then she said to me “You’re not getting a doggy, your mommy lives in Spain, your Daddy doesn’t live in Canada anymore, and I don’t even know if he is here to stay!” Grandpa couldn’t take the fight, and went out for a walk in the night, he’s so mad, and so I have come here.
Daddy: Honey, I understand, but let me teach you something that has a lot of value that I have come to know, that in every good fighter something is broken. I have wrestled the biggest guys, and broken down four at once, and I have never felt happy with what I have done if I broke them down out of anger. I have this little part inside, that’s broken when I fight, for when something is broken you are very good at breaking not fixing. You are like this too, you have my blood, I can see if there is a fight, before it starts you have won. But winning is not always the right thing to do, you can’t always break something for the sake of breaking it, or break someone’s heart just because you wanted to be right. Do you understand that grandma doesn’t want to live in Africa, she wants to live in Canada, and for her, wanting a Dog means that either the dog stays here, and I stay here or it stays with her, but it is something to keep her here and that is the last thing she wants to hear. For deep inside her, her dream of where she wants to be is broken. For Grandpa, it is hard for he is here as well, and for many reasons, enough is enough, he can’t take the pressure from all sides, and for this he is broken. What seemed simple for you is much more complex, and what do people do when there is something broken?
Baby Girl: “They break things?”
Daddy: Yes that’s correct, they break things, Like your little heart that wanted someone to say she could get a puppy.
Baby Girl: “Like the girl at school daddy, she is like me, her parents have split like you and mommy, and we both feel broken, but we can’t fix it, and she always controls people, and she is so mean, and I don’t like her, and she is only good at breaking things, ”
Daddy: “Yes kind of my baby, something like this, for when there is something inside of you, and its broken, its hard to fix things, especially about yourself. Often it makes them a good fighter, because inside of every good fighter there is something broken, but a really great fighter knows how to help people by not always trying to break things to be right, because being right is not always the answer. A great fighter is about having skill and control, not just passion. Grandma didn’t need to tell you that you can’t get a dog because of the situation with your mommy and me living all over, because that is something inside you that I think is still broken. Is it?”
Baby Girl: “Yes daddy, I feel it, I don’t know. I want Daddy with Mommy, I really don’t like the boys she is with, I want to see Daddy, am I in Canada, am I in Spain, am I in Africa. I don’t want to live in Spain, but I want mommy and you in Canada. And I have to go to French school, and I want a doggy, and I want to speak English, and sometimes my grandparents they say bad things about you, and I think that somehow you broke mommy and mommy broke you, and I don’t know, but I feel broken too.”
Daddy: I understand, and feeling something broken, sometimes you feel like being negative or being mean, and sometimes this makes you a bully. But you have learned not to be a bully in school, and you now see a bully when they are coming. And inside of them, you know now there is something broken. Sometimes I think there is something broken in all of us, but the reality is if you know something is broken you have a choice, be a fighter- which isn’t always the best thing, or to realise that there is something broken in the people who try to fight with you, something truly sad, something they may never know, but at least you know what is broken, and you choose not to let that make you someone that you don’t want to be.
Baby Girl: When I was younger, I was a bully in school Daddy, and now I am not, because Grandma in Spain and the teachers they helped me fix this by not being so mad at people. And Daddy, I know that you too talked with me about kids in school, and what you told me worked.
Daddy: Well the most important thing baby, is that when you feel something is broken, you can always talk to daddy, and if I am not myself, you can always ask me what’s broken inside of me. You see, the best way to help someone is to let them fix themselves, what is the source, sometimes it is years back. Like with your mommy and me, that has been 4 years now. That is a long time, and some people carry around that broken piece their whole life. I don’t want that to be you or me, just talking with you makes me listen to myself, and I think it’s so important that you and I have this bond because we love each other, and can see who we really are, and I want to be proud of you, and I want you to be proud of me. Its not always ok to be right, because sometimes being right hurts people. I found out when I was younger, and I still fight with the fact that I want to be right, I don’t like nonsense, I like logic, but my heart tells me that I sometimes have to let go. Because I don’t always have to be a fighter, I don’t always have to be right, sometimes, if its a piece inside of me that is broken that makes me want to fight or to be right, then the only thing fighting or being right will do is…?
Baby Girl: “Breaking something”
Daddy: Are you going to apologies for your behaviour tonight, because grandma and grandpa probably think you are not happy about the wonderful day they spent with you, because you visited a pet shop and had this fight. And somehow you where all right, but it all came from somewhere broken. So you all need to apologize.
Baby Girl: Ok Daddy, I understand. I love you.
Daddy: It is so important that we understand each other, even as you grow older. I love you, and I would like to have this bond and understanding as long as we can, forever, and after I want this to be a part of you. I want to be proud of you, and I am. I love you.
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